Inferno

2006-12-14T12:38:00.000+08:00

this blog has no more use anymore, its closed

latte, hope to see you on msn sometime

2006-10-06T08:50:00.000+08:00

Getting quite a lot of my priorities right once I start seeing them in the correct light, I am now just very scared of a few numbers. 1 2 3 and 4.

2006-09-25T18:50:00.000+08:00

THROUGH THE FIRE (Chaka Kahn)

I look in your eyes and I can see
We've loved so dangerously
You're not trusting your heart to anyone
You tell me you're gonna play it smart
We're through before we start
But I believe that we've only just begun
When it's this good, there's no saying no
I want you so, I'm ready to go

Chorus:

Through the fire
To the limit, to the wall
For a chance to be with you
I'd gladly risk it all
Through the fire
Through whatever, come what may
For a chance at loving you
I'd take it all the way
Right down to the wire
Even through the fire

I know you're afraid of what you feel
You still need time to heal
And I can help if you'll only let me try
You touch me and something in me knew
What I could have with you
Well I'm not ready to kiss that dream goodbye
When it's this sweet, there's no saying no
I need you so, I'm ready to go

Chorus

Through the test of time

Chorus

Through the fire, to the limit
Through the fire, through whatever
Through the fire, to the limit
Through the fire, through whatever

2006-09-13T22:49:00.000+08:00

The Beautiful Rajahstan Desert. Endlessness

2006-08-27T23:34:00.000+08:00

The most beautiful building in the world. I am converting this blog into a photo blog of beautiful photos. The Taj Mahal

2006-08-24T22:15:00.000+08:00

I have found a new nickname! Propofol!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-21T22:40:00.000+08:00

My friend visited Versaillies and got this picture. It is just so nice I had to put it up. I love the marble white pillars contrasting with the splendid frescoed ceilings

2006-08-12T22:37:00.000+08:00

A song that I heard in the gym. Its quite a lovely song. Even though its a disco one. I wish I had more time to spend on other things. But Paediatrics has taught me quite a lot. This song also has almost similar title to my nickname. And I do like paris.

Infernal

From Paris to Berlin

From paris to berlin,
And every disco I get in,
My heart is pumping for love,
Pumping for love,
'Cause when I'm thinking of you,
And all the things we could do,
My heart is pumping for love,
You left me longing for you

From paris to berlin,
And every disco I get in,
My heart is pumping for love,
Pumping for love,
'Cause when I'm thinking of you,
And all the things we could do,
My heart is pumping for love

Patience is a game,
And every night I say your name,
Hoping that you'll answer
'Cause I'm going insane.
It's quite along time ago ,
You brought me out of control,
Hungry for you love
And like I know what that might be

From paris to berlin,
And every disco I get in,
My heart is pumping for love,
Pumping for love,
'Cause when I'm thinking of you,
And all the things we could do,
My heart is pumping for love
You left me longing for you
You left me longing for you
You left me longing for you
You left me longing for you

Teasing was the thing
And now I just can't let it go
Maiden you were something no-one else needs to know
I quess I'm thinking of you,
Like I would know what to do
When I found you, but I don't
Have got no clue

From paris to berlin,
And every disco I get in,
My heart is pumping for love,
Pumping for love.
'Cause when I'm thinking of you,
And all the things we could do,
My heart is pumping for love,
You left me longing for you,
You left me longing for you,
You left me longing for you,
You left me longing for you

From paris to berlin,
And every disco I get in,
My heart is pumping for love,
Bounding for love,
'Cause when I'm thinking of you,
And all the things we could do,
My heart is pumping for love,
You left me longing for you

From paris to berlin,
And every disco I get in,
My heart is pumping for love,
Pumping for love,
'Cause when I'm thinking of you,
And all the things we could do,
My heart is pumping for love,
You left me longing for you,
You left me longing for you,
You left me longing for you,
You left me longing for you,
You left me longing for you

2006-08-11T23:01:00.000+08:00

The translated version of Aikawa Nanase's Unlimited from Samurai X. Oh i just love this song. its up for my eternal play list for this year together with Happy Birthday to Me by Jay Chou and Landy Wen

To understand each other
And to share your feelings with each other
Those things are like bubbles
Hiding themselves in the grains of time
So I have lost all hope
Believing it would be impossible to grab them
until I met you
How long have you been carrying
This pain inside you
How long have you been hiding
That sadness in your eyes when you smiled

If we now embrace the miracle of our encounter
And look into each others’ eye, we can become stronger
If this is not what is called love
Then what is love?

2006-07-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

Which Baby Are You ?

--------------JANUARY BABY-------------------- >>Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.

----------FEBRUARY BABY -------------------- >> Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.

-----------------MARCH BABY -------------------- >> Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.

-----------------APRIL BABY ------------------- >> Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very >>confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer evryone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye will introduce them self and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

-----------------MAY BABY ----------------- >> Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. >>Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.

------------JUNE BABY ------------- >> You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.

----------------JULY BABY -------------- >> Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days

------------AUGUST BABY --------------- >> Outgoing personality. Takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone". Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. Independent. strong willed. a fighter. repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.

------------SEPTEMBER BABY --------------- >> Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. if you do not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.

---------------OCTOBER BABY ------------------- >> Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the >>hottest AND sexiest of them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years.

---------------NOVEMBER BABY -------------------- >> Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. repost in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month.

---------------DECEMBER BABY --------------- >> This straight-up means you r the most good-looking person possible...better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny >>and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music. pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. [A hot new guy/girl will catch your eye & you will catch theirs too in the next 6 days, if you repost in 5min]

2006-07-19T22:19:00.000+08:00

The thing below just rings so true.

Just Friends VS. Best Friends

A Just Friend says..hi,..hello,..bye,...and walks away...
A Best friend always stop by your side & asks how r u doing ??

A Just Friend has never seen you cry.
A Best friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A Just Friend thinks the friendship is over, when you have an argument.
A Best friend knows that it's not a friendship, until after you've had
a fight.

A Just Friend hates it when you call, after he has gone to bed.
A Best friend asks you.... why you took so long to call.

A Just Friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A Best friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A Just Friend jealous about your romantic history.
A Best friend wonders of your love story.....

A Just Friend expects you to be always there for any help.
A Best friend is always there, wherever you require any help.

A Just Friend doesn't have time in his/her busy schedule,
A Best friend always have time for you in his/her busy schedules....

A Just Friend phones you whenever he/she has some work,
A Best friend calls you often just to hear your voice.....

A Just Friend doesnt have anything to talk to you on phone,
A Best friend doesnt know...what all to finish...

2006-07-17T22:19:00.000+08:00

Losing your mind is the easiest thing to do.

2006-07-11T17:47:00.000+08:00

I have had my first relapse. This is bad

2006-07-11T00:07:00.000+08:00

Forza Italia!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-02T23:09:00.000+08:00

Alessandra Ambrosio. Gorgeous. I love her totally. omg. so hot and so pretty.

2006-06-29T17:17:00.000+08:00

Got this through my email. Its is very meaningful. Especially in light of the profession that I'm in and the things we face. Sometimes we don't realise it. This poem serves as a reminder that the aged were once young and we can grow old.

Crabby Old Woman

When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland, it was believed that she had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staffthat copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.One nurse took her copy to Ireland. The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Assn. for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent poem.A nd this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet:

Crabby Old Woman

What do you see, nurses?
What do you see?
What are you thinking,
When you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman,
Not very wise,
Uncertain of habit,
With faraway eyes.
Who dribbles her food,
And makes no reply,
When you say in a loud voice,
"I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice,
The things that you do,
And forever is losing,
A stocking or shoe
Who, resisting or not
Lets you do as you will,
Is that what you're thinking?
Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse,
You're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am,
As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding,
As I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten,
With a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters,
A young girl of sixteen,
With wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now,
A lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty,
My heart gives a leap,
That I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now,
I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide,
And a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty,
My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other,
With ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons,
Have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me,
To see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more,
Babies play round my knee,
Again we know children,
My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me,
My husband is dead,
I look at the future,
I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing
Young of their own,
And I think of the years,
And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman,
And nature is cruel,
'Tis jest to make old age,
Look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles,
Grace and vigour depart,
There is now a stone
Where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass,
A young girl still dwells,
And now and again,
My battered heart swells.
I remember the joys,
I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living
Life over again.
I think of the years,
All too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact
That nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people,
Open and see,
Not a crabby old woman;
Look closer - see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an old person who you might brushaside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, bethere, too! PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM. IT'S SOMETHING WE ALL NEED TO READ. And don'tforget those crabby old men either.

Space

2006-06-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

Currently in HK. Went to Space at Ap Lei Chau. Having lots of fun. Must read paediatric textbooks before the start of paeds. Sigh

2006-06-11T00:26:00.000+08:00

The more i listen to tommy february's lonely in gorgeous, the more i think it is simply one of the better songs that I have heard. Today was not a bad day even though i was in bed most of the time. I have this back ache thing that refuses to go away, and i was so tired till like 4pm when i had to drag myself out of bed for salsa. Can't dance for nuts as usual. then proceeded onto shaun's house for soccer. england is a tad wonky. hmmm, i hope argentina wins. in the mean time, sleep beckons. church at 7.30am

A long goodbye

2006-06-08T18:32:00.000+08:00

today is one of the last days of my oncology elective. And I must say, during this period of my oncology elective, I have learnt quite a lot. Inside and outside of the hospital, many things serve to remind yourself that one is never immortal and invulnerable. and no matter what happens, life goes on for if we hung on and clung on to what holds us behind, we will not progress.

Throughout the 4 weeks, i have lost many a friend. It does seem inevitable when you're dealing with the dying but sometimes my heart breaks because they who were once living are now dead. In a space of a few hours, they enter that eternal sleep, never to be roused again. Why them you ask, even more so when you look at the young and youthful cancer patients. That nobody knows and nobody can answer. Maybe God, you can provide some form of salvation for them?

They have told me many things, many events in their lives, although it is ending and the flame is faltering and flickering. But I am glad to share with them their lives over and over again. No life is insignificant even though they may not have made a huge mark upon society or the world. But is there a scribe to be there before their story ends? It kind of reminds me of tuesdays with morrie, you know, the lessons one learns from the dying are always invaluable, for only when you're dying, then you can decipher what life has in store for you and what exactly do you want.

I might sound depressed, maybe I am. But inside i don't feel depressed but more resigned that life has to pass and another passage must beckon. We all fear the unknown, death especially, and more so when you're young and full of promise. When I entered the ward, I was naive thinking that oncology is the department when we would be saving lives with groundbreaking therapies of research etc. But the reality is starkly different. Essentially, oncology is mainly about caring for the dying. yes you have the curable blood cancers and the people who come in electively for chemotherapy. But most of the patients are not so fortunate.

To certify death is not as traumatic as compared to witnessing a person dying. Some people die with dramatic throes of death, some pass quietly in the night. Some vomit blood and spew it forth non-stop, others just slowly ebb away. When I see a patient who has died, i do not think of the failure of therapy, but the peace and end of suffering and pain. It is time for him/her to enter a better world where there will be no morepain and suffering. Desensitization? maybe, most probably but i guess I will never know.

I guess to choose this oncology elective of my own accord was in some ways the best thing i have had, and in some ways the worst. This is not to say I'll forsake my love for surgery, for most of surgery is about oncology to start with. But to throw myself out of the ivory tower and face the real world. People do die, i just tried escaping from it because of my past experiences with death and dying. After my medicine posting, i have overcome my fear of diabetes. After my A & E posting, RTAs are no longer taboo to me already. Yet here you might wonder, do such things exist for me?

Well, yes. Like any human being, I do have intrinsic likes and dislikes and i do love and hate and feel the extremes of emotion. But I have always shown myself as someone who only vacillates between happiness, sadness and anger. Some of you might think of me as insensitive, because i tend to hide my feelings a lot. I can comment non-chalantly about the reason to attend onco rounds daily because of its high turnover rate. But inside, this is just a defense mechanism, to desensitise myself to the implications of that statement, to remove all emotional connotations with oncology in general. How I really feel inside, I would say afraid really, that one day I'll become part of the mortality and morbidity statistic, part of this high turnover rate. Thus I'll laugh it off and present a 'strong' front. Only my close friends I'll share the vulnerable bit.

Well, how do I sum up this entire elective? Well, it is alright to feel things the way it should be felt and one need not hide feelings if it is well intentioned. But more importantly, this posting has taught me on very important thing. Death is a part of life, be it physical death, emotional death or any other kind of death both literal and abstract. We all go through ups and downs and we live to our fullest and sometimes we do die when we drop down from the heights of our wildest dreams. We somtimes die a slow death or it might come pretty quick and painless. But whatever the nature of death, or the method of dying, we must learn to let go for if you don't let go, death will drag you along too. For the living, life must go on after death. grief has its place in life, but grief shall not hold back life for life must go on.

a longer version is available on the other blog.

its a long time since i wrote something like that.

2006-06-06T19:28:00.000+08:00

我会发着呆然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天会有人代替
让我不再想念你

心里的眼泪
模糊了视线
你会看不见

Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement t'oublier
Et puis je fume

2006-05-29T22:39:00.000+08:00

Joey McIntyre

Stay the Same

[Chorus]
Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

[Verse]
I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

[Chorus]

Living in a Box - Room in your Heart

Living In A Box - Room In Your Heart Lyrics

It's dark and cold tonight
I'm walking all alone
And one step at a time I'm getting closer
I know she's hard to find
Instinctively I try,
To take the path of love into the night

There would be no reason if you really didn't care
There would be no reason for love

The door is open wide is anybody there?
I know this must be the room in your heart
I really don't know why but it's so easy to breathe
I know this must be the room in your heart

No answers question me
No one's been here before
I'm the first to see the light at your door
If I could hold you now I would not disagree
With these four walls you're protecting me

There would be no reason if you really didn't care
There would be no reason for love

The door is open wide, is anybody there?
I know this must be the room in your heart
I really don't know why but it's so easy to breathe
I know this must be the room in your heart

I can feel it, I can feel it
I can feel the love that's surrounding me coming out of you
I can feel it

The door is open wide, is anybody there?
I know this must be the room in your heart
I really don't know why but it's so easy to breathe
I know this must be the room in your heart

I know this must be, I know this must be

Is anybody there

The door is open wide, is anybody there?
I know this must be the room in your heart
I really don't know why but it's so easy to breathe
I know this must be the room in your heart

2006-05-24T20:35:00.000+08:00

The Glorious Chanel J12 Superleggera. Its so damn nice. and its not just looks only, it has a scratch resistant ceramic interface with absolute fantastic watch complications. I can't help love it!

2006-05-15T23:14:00.000+08:00

Sorry plhu, I still have yet to come out with R or B. SIGH.

Put your music library on shuffle and answer the questions with songs in the order they come up. it doesn't really make sense at times, but some answers you come up with will freak you out.

1. What's my mood like right now? 随爱而飞 - 彭羚 ( quite apt. literally a stunner )

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me? Hold On - Wilson Phillips ( I like this song which gives me tons of hope. Things will change but things will go your way, if you hold on for one more day.)

3. What kind of person am I? 一路上有你 - 张学友 ( interesting. dependent i guess )

4. Am I loved? Let's Fall in Love - Alanis Morisette from De-Lovely OST ( Guess not. Maybe its fated to have turbulence )

5. How can I achieve my highest potential? 大雨的夜里 - 张清芳 ( only a crisis will do? )

6. What should I do with my life? 庸人自扰 - 小虎队 ( this is quite true. Stupid people go looking for trouble. I do that all the time. )

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end? Fields of Gold - Sting (I hope its as the song suggests )

8. What is my best quality? How Deep is Your Love - Beatles ( oh well, let's not go there. Take it at face value )

9. What's the meaning of life? red red wine - UB40 ( Oh yes, hedonism )

10. What do people think of me? Begin the Beguine - Sheryl Crow from De Lovely OST ( I am a very reflective person and retrospective person. )

11. Would I make a good catch? My Valentine - Martina McBride ( ERM. NVM )

12. How crazy am I? Whatever - Shantel Cafe del Mar ( I totally agree. I know i can be really wacky but whatever man as ek would put it )

13. Will I have a good life in general? Miracle - Cascada ( I hope my life is one. It has been one so far. Had mostly good karma except for maybe sucky friends. )

14. What? going to happen to me this week? The Greatest Love of All - Whitney Houston ( don't wanna know )

15. Where will I be a year from now? Last Tango in Paris - Golan Project Hotel Costes ( I wouldn't mind being in paris. Hermes! )

16. What is my biggest wish? Fly Away - 梁静茹 ( yes its very true. I want to fly away really. )

17. How will I die? I'll Make Love to you - Boyz II Men ( oh YES! )

18. What will happen after I die? 爱我别走 - 张震岳 ( this is so so sappy. )

19. How do my friends feel about me? Fuck me I'm Famous - David Guetta ( I don't know how to comment on this. THis song is sent to me by my friend. )

2006-05-14T22:51:00.000+08:00

歌手：曹格专辑：格格blue

Superwoman

early in the morning i put breakfast at your table
一夜都没睡但我不曾如此清醒
我早餐准备了你爱吃的东西
这次换我等你被咖啡的香味叫醒
想要找回每天早晨对我微笑着的你
还能够做些什么代替我的歉意
总是望着我小心翼翼顺着我呼吸
而我竟然理所当然让你精疲力尽
you were my superwoman
安静的在身边无条件给我梦寐以求的温柔
but i am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞残忍的犯了错
不能失去你 ooh-babe---
ooh—babe---
you fought your way through the rush hour
try to make it home just for me
月光下静静靠着彼此只求夜长一点
有多久没有好好看你只是认定了我
无论在什么时候回头都有你的笑容
是我忽略了你也会有想要哭的感觉
没有一种付出应该永远心甘情愿
再给被宠坏的男人最后一次机会
换我忍耐换我等待不要真的弃权
you were my superwoman
安静的在身边无条件给我梦寐以求的温柔
but i am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞残忍的犯了错
不能失去你 ooh-babe---
是我把爱想得太简单
以为只要我存在就能让你取暖
心里唯一的superwoman没有人能代替
不能想像更不能原谅这样让爱化成灰烬
you were my superwoman
安静的在身边无条件给我梦寐以求的温柔
but i am only human(希望只是一个只是一个人)
我怎么不懂你多寂寞残忍的犯了错(不能失去你)
if you feel it in your heart and you understand me.
stop right where you are, everybody sing along with me
you were my superwoman
安静的在身边无条件给我梦寐以求的温柔
but i am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞残忍的犯了错(不能失去你)
you were my superwoman
ooo~yes,u were
安静的在身边无条件给我梦寐以求的温柔
but i am only human
我怎么不懂你多寂寞残忍的犯了错(不能失去你)

SUPER NICE!

2006-05-12T13:17:00.000+08:00

Those who shout loudest from the rooftops about how much the patients’ welfare means to them are the ones who will most aggressively clerk and feel up the good cases, then order everyone else not to disturb poor ‘ol Mrs Tan because she needs to spend time with her poodles.

HOW TRUE

2006-05-01T14:44:00.000+08:00

An interesting meme from another person's blog. Shall not mention the person for the meme itself is quite a personal one. So just read on and if you like it, copy and paste to your own blog too. Sorry for taking down my links but you know, if you didn't bookmark it already, its too late.

The rules:
- Write what you want to say to 5-10 different people, but know you probably never will
- You CANNOT say who they are
- If someone asks which is about them, you CANNOT tell.
- Feel free to comment, but I'm not confirming or answering anything. It might be you, it might not be.

Anyway, here it goes, for those who know and those who don't. This is not going to be a tell all, but I, famously cloudy with my words, will cloud these paragraphs so that only those who know will know and those who don't will not. Good and bad shall mix and have fun. I'll not talk about the people I dislike here, especially since it might be unfair to them. I'll just talk about those who matter to me.

1) As always, you provide the most patient listening ear who understands all my troubles and all my worries. You who have seen me at my weakest and at my strongest and yet never fail to provide the necessary help and support. I'm always happy to see you and to speak to you. Honestly, in light of the recency of matters, I'm glad that you're one of my group of best friends. You know, its the best compliment when I cannot say anything more, for I am at a loss of words for your friendship. Thanks for you should know who you are

2)Ah yes, Now on to you, it was brave of me to broach the issue then because of your reputation, but now look at you. You have blossomed and gone on to much greater heights and yet you do not forget your roots. Interacting with you was one great time and I learnt a lot from your talented tactful and wise appraoch to many things. Your wisdom makes me refreshed and come out from my many problems with a new perspective and not so depressed anymore. Your beauty is not only inner but outer too and thanks for being also one of best of friends. Life's always dull and never amazing without you around.

3) Next on, not the least in priority. Its really uncanny despite me asking, we still are friends. I guess its magnanimity on your part not to turn somebody away even though most would do so if such a situation did exist. You have intellectual curiosity that is breathtakingly beautiful and at the same time, down to earth. You're not afraid of expressing yourself as human and being willing to make mistakes and yet I have picked up many things from you, such as the existence of many of my current interests. Thanks for 'hearing' me out too, for I guess as an only child, there's so much you wish you could share with others. You've a person i won't forget.

4) Now, onto another person. Always barging in on your car. This makes it kinda obvious already. Oh well, A lovely conversationalist, sharing the same high and white ideals there's always fun and laughter and food when you're around. Never short of friendliness, smart remarks and always a good friend in need. Thanks for all the help rendered despite all the drama mama. Loyalty and pacifism is something that you find in true friends, and those 2, with many many other virtues you can list, I can find in you. A friend in need is a friend indeed.

5) Always bubbly and always beautiful, though some might disagree but well, thanks so much for your ideas and somehow always meeting me on orchard road. You've been a great friend, more so when I have had difficulties with others for you actually try to let me see the other perspective. There might have been bumps along the way, but honestly, i feel that if i don't quarrel with my friends, it means that the friendship is superficial and its a mutually tolerant situation. We've been through some rough patches, but its clearing up into something wonderful.

6)Didn't really get to know you well back then whilst we were in the same bunk, but now, you're one of the people whom i can trust really. Always so wise and so even temepered, i guess you're the surprise package inside here. I interact with you rarely in view of the differential timetables, but everytime, you're always the person who is always able to let me forget my worries and put a smile back onto my face. A lovely friend you are.

7) I'm sorry i forgot your blog address, but you've always been a person to whom I talk to and enjoy talking to. Even now, i can always consult you for anything. You know quite a lot of my secrets that others don't know for maybe I can put my trust in you as compared to other people? Thanks so much for your generosity and your every present kindness, I'll never forget it thanks.

8) Somehow you never really expressed much of an opinion, and i always take advantage of that but you're ever cheery smile is one that is always welcoming and inviting. You always are scandaless and some what clean but your sturdiness is what I admire. You're an incredibly loyal person and this is something i treasure, loyalty and non-backstabbing. You have a certain maturity and belies your age and this is something that I believe came from a tough upbringing.

9) I guess it was a bad mistake on my part to guess but well, its a secret that I will keep with me. I know you want to achieve on your own accord and you do not want to publicise your heritage. And I admire you for that, for very few people can have that kind of burden and still persevere and not be brought down by the sheer weight of it. It makes me see a lot of things in a new light and if I would like to say it, you're not as simple as you are and I hope you remain happy.

10) Thank you for being honest. I appreciate your friendship. I'm what you would call a liberal. Thus, I don't really buy a lot of the religious bull. Maybe I'll get slammed for this but I believe that one should lead your own life. Maybe you will get punished in the end ( who knows what is there at the end? ) but for now, i don't think you should restrict your life to what other people say you must be. And you should lead your life as how you want it to be. You have given me somewhat a burst of inspiration to follow my heart.

Yes, its the end of 10 people. Some of you might notice that I didn't include some people in. I guess, you have to choose from all your friends 10 people to write about. And I also stipulated a condition, that is to only talk about the good of man and not their darkest natures. No point writing about sad stuff and everything, life goes on. Learn your lesson and never look back. Let innocence die and wisdom mature.

2006-04-20T20:04:00.000+08:00

A few more songs. Anyways a long overdue update.

I tasted heaven from Prestat's Rose and Violet Creams. They are chocolates infused with the scents of rose and violet essential oils and they are absolutely wonderful. The past few weeks were fun with wakeboarding et al and many fun filled activities. I'm quite busy now with electives, diving trips etc etc. But anyways, thanks of those who still bother to check my blog. Will show you more rose and violet creams another day.

Like I said the other time, this blog is no longer going to be updated that frequently anymore. Yes, there is another blog somewhere out there but i don't think you all will find it. Its not going to be as simple as my email nicknames neither is it going to be anything you're going to see on my msn nicks. Well, I'll update in every 1 or 2 weeks when i possibly can. If you want my other blog address, you can email, msn or drop me an sms. Don't be offended if i refuse to give it to you.

To kin foong, if you do still pop by this chinese lyric filled space. Thanks for your wonderful comment. It comes up whenever i check my haloscan and it makes me feel that I have friends. Currently I'm going through a phase where my energy and enthusiasm and life and trust is being sapped from me and I feel totally jaded. Your comment made me feel that I might have passed the nadir already and am ready to move on with life. Thanks so much.

Aerosmith

Jaded

hey
J-j-j-jaded
You've got your mama's style but you're yesterday's child to me
So jaded
You think that's where it's at but is that where it's supposed to be?
You're gettin' it all over me
And serrated ???

Chorus
My, my, baby blue
(yeah i'm thinkin' 'bout you)
My, my, baby blue
Yeah, you're so jaded
And i'm the one that jaded you

Hey
J-j-j-jaded
In all its misery it will always be what i love and hated
And maybe take a ride to the other side we're thinkin' of
We'll slip into the velvet glove
And be jaded

Chorus
(w/) yeah, i'm so jaded
And baby i'm afraid of you

Bridge
You're thinkin' so complicated
I've had it all up to here
But it's so overrated
Love and hate it
Wouldn't trade it
Love me jaded

Guitar solo

Hey
J-j-j-jaded
There ain't no "baby please" when i'm shootin' the breeze with her
When everything you see is a blur
And ecstasy's what you prefer

Chorus

(w/) (blue, blue, blue, yeah)
(i'm talkin' 'bout you)
(blue, blue, blue, blue yeah)
(yeah, been thinkin' 'bout you)
My, my, baby blue
Yeah, you're so jaded (baby)
Jaded (baby)
You're so jaded
'cause i'm the one that jaded you

人在雨中-张学友

有多久不曾淋过雨
有多少心事变回忆
人要学着不回头
让微笑代替心痛
才不怕宿命捉弄

我依然是我你是你
谁都不必再骗自己
请留下一点线索我有爱你的自由
就算做一场好梦那也值得
虽然心痛
喔……
在雨中等雨停
多少渴望着出现奇迹
我的心不会冷
就让天笑我傻的可以
在雨中想起你
仿佛又哭倒在我的怀里
你永远
也不会懂谁该珍惜

歌曲：情非得已
歌手：庾澄庆专辑：海啸

难以忘记初次见你
一双迷人的眼睛
在我脑海里
你的身影
挥散不去
握你的双手感觉你的温柔
真的有点透不过气
你的天真
我想珍惜
看到你受委屈
我会伤心
只怕我自己会爱上你
不敢让自己靠的太近
怕我没什么能够给你
爱你也需要很大的勇气
只怕我自己会爱上你
也许有天会情不自禁
想念只让自己苦了自己
爱上你是我情非得已
什么原因
我竟然又会遇见你
我真的真的不愿意
就这样陷入爱的陷阱

2006-04-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

A fun meme from avaris' site

A Wikipedia birthday meme:
Go to Wikipedia and look up your birthday (excluding the year). List three neat facts, two births and one death in your journal, including the year.

Three Events
01. 1493 - Christopher Columbus goes ashore on an island he first saw the day before. He names it San Juan Bautista (later renamed Puerto Rico).
02. 1863 - American Civil War: Union President Abraham Lincoln delivers the Gettysburg Address at the military cemetery dedication ceremony in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.
03. 1943 - World War II: Battle of Stalingrad - Soviet Union forces under General Georgy Zhukov launch the Operation Uranus counterattacks at Stalingrad, turning the tide of the battle in the USSR's favor.

This whole section has lots of middle east conflict stuff. heh, its quite i dunno what to say.

Two Births
01. 1805 - Ferdinand de Lesseps, French diplomat and Suez Canal engineer (d. 1894)
02. 1917 - Indira Gandhi, Prime Minister of India (d. 1984)

There is also, meg ryan and jodie foster. Calvin Klein was born too, don't quite like his stuff though. and Larry King. Lots of businessmen. And Yuan T Lee, currently coming to NUS to guest lecture. Nobel Laureate

One Death
01. 1987 - 1828 - Franz Schubert, Austrian composer (b. 1797)

Ha, the only composer i don't really like. Well, there is also William Siemens (sounds familiar?) And Christina Onassis (not sure if people know. And some emperor of japan in the 15th century.

Anyway a nice song for now

多情种------优客李林

你说的话总是言不由衷
我不想骗你可是我真的都懂
我们是否心有灵犀一点通
你的笑容是那么真实如梦
能否带我走出人生的迷宫

幸福的爱情人说千载难逢
美丽的恋爱永远朦朦胧胧
迷人的眼神和你的一举一动
让我相信再荒谬的恋情
也有一片蔚蓝的天空

莫笑我生来就是一个多情种
努力努力让我的爱情故事与众不同
莫笑我生我就是一个多情种
努力不让我的情网落空
想念著你谁能说爱人的心
不是冷漠世界里最温柔的风

music

喔...最温柔的风

end

2006-04-03T21:16:00.000+08:00

For the Xiao Yuan Superstar fans. The original song in english called superwoman which i believe won zhiyang his title. if you want the song, just pm me on msn. Its incredibly nice and incredibly hard to sing. (believe me, i tried. I know i'm not that bad)

Karyn White

Superwoman

Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table,
and make sure that your coffee has its sugar and cream...
Your eggs are overeasy, your toast unlikely,
all that's missing is your morning kiss that used to greet me...

Now you say the juice is sour, it used to be so sweet,
and I can't help but to wonder if you're talking about me...
We don't talk the way we used to talk, it's hurting so deep,
I've got my pride, I will not cry, but it's making me weak...

I'm not your superwoman...
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down,
and think that everything is okay...
Boy I am only human...
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me...

I fought my way through the rush hour trying to make it home just for you...
I want to make sure that your dinner will be waiting for you...
But when you get there, you just tell me you're not hungry at all,
you said you'd rather read the paper and you don't want to talk...

You like to think that I'm just crazy when I say that you've changed,
I'm convinced I know the problem, you don't love me the same...
You're just going through the motions and you're not being fair,
I've got my pride, I will not cry, still I can't help but care!!!

I'm not your superwoman...(oh no no no!!!)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay...
Boy I am only human...(I'm only human!!!)
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me...

I'm not your superwoman...
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay...
Boy I am only human...
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me...

Oooh, baby!!!
Look into the corners of your mind,
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times,
but I can't be the superwoman that you want me to be!!
I'll give my everlasting love if you'll return love to me!!
I'm not your superwoman!!!!

I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay...
Boy I am only human...
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me...

Oh!!! If you feel it in your heart and you understand me,
stop right where you are, everybody sing along with me!
(hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo...)
I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet,
but you got to realize that you got to be sweeter to me!!!
I need love, I need just your love, I'm not your superwoman...

2006-03-25T10:39:00.000+08:00

I'm a Talent!

You're a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You're determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You're not afraid of a fight, and you're not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you're already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you're not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 85%
Lifer: 15%
Mandarin: 41%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

2006-03-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

Another song from Xiao Yuan Superstar. A lovely Fish Leong song. Heh. Anyway, working at Raffles place is very interesting as there are many lovely little funny shops to browse. There is Toast and TeaSpa for chilling out in lovely environs and good food. There is CornerStone which stocks Valrhona Chocolates and Caltex House houses Poltrona Frau, that lovely furniture company. Raoul was also nearby and there was also CYC tailors and Colleoni. Far East Square is nearby with its veritable food paradise and Ya Kun Kaya Toast! There is a whole host of subways and I never saw 4 GNCs within 100m of each other. There are so many fitness centres there. Gosh. But oh wow, Poltrona Frau.

Fish Leong

Fly Away

这一次是我自己为自己下的决定
很小心你说慢慢来别怕来不及
如果我还有一点点不安或者迟疑
我不会对你的反应那么好奇

多远啊其实也很不愿意
其实也不想回忆
谁没等到错过了流星
我们啊交集在这意外的假期
一定那里见过你一定曾经梦见你

fly away 无穷无尽是你深邃的眼睛
看着你就可以让我茫茫人海里感到安定
fly away 当我不顾一切无止尽追寻
有一个人有一颗心才仅默默之中在那里

这一次连我自己都说我毫不悔意
爱上你终于我发现我还有勇气
为你我觉得遗憾的是我不够自信
不了解你说了一些话的用意

几乎是所有时间在想你
快乐之后是压抑
有没有过这样的呼吸
幸福啊只要一个眼神的交集
我们拥抱着自己我们渴望着相遇

fly away 当我不顾一切无止尽追寻
是你的人是你的心日日夜夜陪我在这里

2006-03-20T23:14:00.000+08:00

jay Chou and Landy Wen

生日快乐

(jay)我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有无法控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁
一个人坐在空荡包厢里面

(温)一个人坐在空荡包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
难
想切歌切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点
谁说眼泪不能流过十二点

(合)生日快乐
woh~生日快乐
我对自己说
蜡烛点了寂寞亮了
生日快乐泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的
你拿走的一切

还爱你带一点恨
还有时间才能平衡
热恋伤痕幻灭重生
祝我生日快乐
(温)祝我生日快乐
(合)还爱你带一点恨

This song is so beautiful. I just saw it on the campus superstar just now. I liked it so much. but well, it does trigger some interesting thoughts. Happy Birthday

2006-03-18T10:06:00.000+08:00

张学友

情书

你瘦了憔悴得让我好心疼
有时候爱情比时间还残忍
把人变得盲目而奋不顾身
忘了爱要两个同样用心的人

你醉了脆弱得藏不住泪痕
我知道绝望比冬天还寒冷
你恨自己是个怕孤独的人
偏偏又爱上自由自私的灵魂

你带着它唯一写过的情书
想证明当初爱得并不糊涂
他曾为了你的逃离颓废痛苦
也为了破镜重圆抱着你哭

哦可惜爱不是几滴眼泪几封情书哦---
这样的话或许有点残酷
等待着别人给幸福的人
往往过的都不怎么幸福

哦可惜爱不是忍着眼泪留着情书哦---
伤口清醒要比昏迷痛楚
禁闭着双眼又拖着错误
真爱来临时你要怎么留得住

One of the nicest jacky cheung songs ever.

2006-03-14T19:36:00.000+08:00

Twas a nice KTV session today. Considering that I am neither on any viva list.

I am somehow considering closing down this blog. I don't really have a lot to say of late and i don't really know what is the purpose of blogging anymore. Somehow qichang said it quite well, its time to get a life outside of the blogging world. Not that I don't already have a life outside of blogdom but, its getting tiring just updating and keeping this blog alive when there is really nothing much to put in this space. Somehow this space gets a bit too painful to read. I don't think I will update it very often from now on, if so, it will be more sporadic and superficial stuff. Some of you will hear more of this.

A song from yesteryear. The little tigers club with 庸人自扰

爱不爱都受煎熬
同林鸟飞远了
谁不想暮暮朝朝
真心换来伤心
爱恨一肩挑牙关紧咬

人生如粗饭劣肴
心中骂嘴里嚼
谁不想快活到老
茫茫人海渺渺
真情那里找
岁月又不轻饶

一生得几回年少
又何苦庸人自扰
斩不断情丝难了
爱人不见了
清醒还要趁早
乱麻要快刀

一生得几回年少
倦鸟终归要回巢
红尘路走过几遭
花开又花落
世事难预料
笑一笑往事随风飘

2006-03-12T16:45:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but all of a sudden, i miss 小虎队's songs. Their songs were good but somehow they all vanished and are banished to the KTV halls. I'll try to find a 小虎队 CD today. But I really love these 2 songs, I'll post the chorus here. 叫你一声my love and 红色的蜻蜓

叫你一声my love
亲爱的是否你也关心着我
能不能叫你一声my love
该不该把眼泪聚成弯弯的小河流
把爱情唱作歌

能不能叫你一声my love
亲爱的是否你在思念着我
能不能叫你一声my love
是不是不相信童话太美好的结果
不敢来找我

我们都已经长大好多梦正在飞
就像童年看到的红色的蜻蜓
我们都已经长大好多梦还要飞
就像现在心目中红色的蜻蜓

2006-03-09T19:07:00.000+08:00

Its really been a wonderful Champions League week. I mean, with all the drama and tension that was built up prior to these fixtures? Real Madrid was kicked out due to arsenal. Not that I am particularly a fan of either team, but the match was really really exciting. Didn't watch the Milan vs Bayern one but it seems so much like a thrashing. Liverpool lost to Benfica and wow, its been a real week of excitement. Lyon thrashed PSV Eindhoven. So now, the 8 teams left are Barcelona, Villareal, Arsenal, AC Milan, Benfica, Lyon and finally Juventus. Inter Milan vs Ajax has not been played yet but there are at least 3 or 4 potential match ups that could be quite interesting. I don't know whether arsenal are considered favorites but well, there are at least 3 strong teams at the moment AC Milan, Juventus and Barcelona. Inter, Ajax and Arsenal are in between and finally we have Villareal, Lyon and Benfica. Its another great CL year.

2006-03-02T08:45:00.000+08:00

This is quite pushing the limit. I don't know why but one of my second cousins is getting married in malaysia. And i am freaked out by the news. Its not a shotgun or anything but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

anyway, i just feel really tired. Its been so tiring since CHP non-stop. I mean, all the highs and lows cannot mask my tiredness. I am quite tired of life especially. And also, silence is golden.

In case you were wondering about the long long post on criticism below, yes it is meant to criticise somebody who deals out criticism but you can say that now i am just highly disappointed. I know i should let go, but how do i do so when the double standards do not end and the criticism does not abate? It really sucks and the behaviour is despicable. The words hate and despise is quite apt to describe the bitter taste in my mouth.

I forgive all the time but time and time again incidents serve to remind one that maybe fogiveness is not shared by all. I cannot stand mistreatment and abuse, not when i am slandered and debased all the time. I feel like quitting in all honesty. I just want to work peace and harmony, instead i get shit thrown into my face, why, because other people have their own agenda and choose to mask it behind noble objectives.

Whats wrong with accusing the group leader of irresponsibility when he or she is sick and the accuser is desperate to study for exam? Nothing right? the group leader must do everything, and when the report is not done at the last minute because nobody is helping the leader, its the leader's fault, cos the others need to study. And finding noble reasons to hide such an agenda behind, is so marvellous isn't it. The leader is an idiot who does work that others order him to do.

After the CHP feedback session is over, there is no need to work so hard already right? After all, getting into good books is what matters, work is secondary once the marks are settled. So can throw dump all work to the group leader and leave the leader to sink is it? And better at that, give the group leader a bad mark after making him do most of the work right? Cos the group leader is irresponsible, and it was shouted out from the mountain top.

Inexperience, its still can be swallowed. Irresponsible. I am sorry, I can't take that lying down. Not when i had to put up with so much flak and irresponsibility from others. Not when I have to do more than my quota to make up for the insbility in another group to reach their quota. What did i do that for? Friendship? Well, i am a fool ain't i, for what i got back was ingratitude and a hamper of shit. by the way, that is just one incident of many. Being used is more like it. And people ask me why i look tired, i aged a lot in CHP.

Sometimes, i wish i never had such a friend.

*punches punching bag* *punches punching bag* *punches punches punches punches punches ............*

2006-02-25T21:26:00.000+08:00

I am feeling quite bored. So please feel free to do this johari and nohari window for me. if you want to leave your name down. No hard feelings.

Nohari

Johari

我到了这个时候还是一样
夜里的寂寞容易叫人悲伤
我不敢想的太多
因为我一个人

迎面而来的月光拉长身影
漫无目的地走在冷冷的街
我没有你的消息
因为我在想你

爱我别走
如果你说你不爱我
不要听见你真的说出口
再给我一点温柔

爱我别走
如果你说你不爱我
不要听见你真的说出口
再给我一点温柔

我到了这个时候还是一样
夜里的寂寞容易叫人悲伤
我不敢想的太多
因为我一个人

迎面而来的月光拉长身影
漫无目的地走在冷冷的街
我没有你的消息
因为我在想你

爱我别走
如果你说你不爱我
不要听见你真的说出口
再给我一点温柔

爱我别走
如果你说你不爱我
不要听见你真的说出口
再给我一点温柔

爱我别走
如果你说你不爱我
不要听见你真的说出口
再给我一点温柔

爱我别走
如果你说你不爱我
不要听见你真的说出口
再给我一点温柔

2006-02-23T08:26:00.000+08:00

After watching the winter olympics, I want to ski. I want to go to someplace wintry after pros. I think I should have been born in a winter country. Even my mom thinks so. I love the snow and the cold weather.

Anyway. studying really tires me out, thus when i feel bored i rush off to hit the gym/run/swim when i can but i think I am spending more time there than at my books. Quite tired now in fact, cos i can't sleep very well lately. I think its exam stress as so far i have managed to remove all distractions from my head.

I think I am depressed. I fulfil every criteria except suicide.

I think this post doesn't make sense. Its quite a crazy life at the moment.

When you like somebody very much, you do a lot of stupid things. Things you wouldn't do normally and you wouldn't think its stupid until you stop liking the person. Sigh

Bon Jovi

Say it isn't so

There's no Santa Claus
It was all a lie
No man in the moon
Just a big light in the sky
I hear Disneyland
Might lose Mickey Mouse
In some giant hostile corporate shake-up
Tell me it's a nightmare
Please wake me up
(Say it isn't so)

I found a book of matches
From someplace we've never been
How come you hang the phone up
The minute I walk in
Last night I had this dream
That I was losing you
I woke up in a cold sweat shaking

Rescue me my heart is breaking

Say it isn't so (tell me it's not true)
Say it isn't so (I believe in you)
Tell me it's a lie (I don't need no proof)
They did it all with strings
Say everything's alright (couldn't be, not you)
Say it isn't so

Superman don't fly
Elvis Presley died
They deep fried the king
Like some tacky cheesy bathing beauty
Dancing on the beach in a bad b-movie

Say it isn't so (tell me it's not true)
Say it isn't so (I believe in you)
Tell me it's a lie (I don't need no proof)
Say everything's alright (couldn't be, not you)

Say it isn't so (don't give up on me)
Say it isn't so (don't give up on you)
Get me through the night (we'll make it through)
Make everything alright (couldn't be, not you)
Say it isn't so..

Say it isn't so (tell me it's not true)
Say it isn't so (I believe in you)
Tell me it's a lie (I don't need no proof)
Say everything's alright (couldn't be, not you)

Say it isn't so (don't give up on me)
Say it isn't so (don't give up on you)
Get me through the night (we'll make it through)
Make everything alright (couldn't be, not you)
Say it isn't so.

2006-02-17T10:14:00.000+08:00

Took a break from studying today. Was burning up with a fever that has not abated since the previous week. Thankfully, it was a moderate grade one, which allowed me to continue finishing COFM before taking this break. Was reading some literature from Rome and Greece today, so pardon the excessive literary pretences

Sometimes we all need a break. I guess its a stress reaction. Things have not been going right of late. On retrospection, its not what I would call fed up, but the antics are the same, the reasons are questionable, and the motivations unknown. Don't mind me getting all rather verbose down there, just a few thoughts

I have already removed my tinted spectacles from my eyes. It helps to clarify my vision and see the world from other perspectives. But somehow, others have not done so and they continue to view me from their own slanted perspective. People change and naturally, they expect this change to be noted. But if one persists in viewing another through biased and fixed opinions, the criticant will not seek to defend himself against the racist opinions of the prejudiced public. But first of all, asamuch an true friend be one who is honest enough to not withold criticism from his or her friend's ears, do not judge or accuse unless he is firstly without sin or has not done anything in his or her power to avert that wrongdoing for which he or she is going to confront the criticant of committing.

But before even considering all the above, think hard within yourself. Are you condemning this sin because its a general sin that all would condemn, or is it only something that you, the criticiser, would find fault with. For standards of morals and ethics are different within all people, asamuch one seeks to impose his or her standards and rules on others, please do note that others are not inclined, by personal intention or otherwise, to hold dear the same principles or code that the criticiser bases his criticism on.

After all, is the criticiser criticising out of general goodwill because the sin committed is one in which the general community cannot tolerate or is the intention of the criticism that to mould the criticant after the criticiser himself, as though the criticism is one based on the criticiser's own value system which is not subscribed by all. Also, has the criticiser sought the opinion of the criticant if such a change or criticism is welcomed. Has the criticiser ever considered the 'bad' motivations of the criticant to commit his 'evildoing' or considered the ignorance of the criticant in the wrongdoing before jumping into the criticiser's own noble sin-cleansing conclusions.

And also, does the criticiser criticise because he or she treats the criticant as an equal worthy of a friend's advice or from a well founded superiority complex. If from a superior highground of criticising, has the criticiser noted if this superiority complex is based on his or her own confidence and self belief, or it is the general consensus of the community that the criticant is not at least an equal of the criticiser and must be corrected in the direction pointed to by the criticism. But before the criticism can be levelled, the criticiser must first consider if the criticant is akin to change and if the criticant is akin to the criticiser for in our rush to criticise others, we forget too, we are infallible.

But what if the criticant, who is agreeable to the change, sees double standards being practised? Does not the vaguest notion of incredulity and doubt begin to seep into his or her mind, that the criticiser is not infallible. And if so, is the not criticism hollow and hypocritic despite its good intentions? For it is certainly one to preach and another to practice. But to preach to the criticant what the criticiser does not practice openly definitely smacks of hypocrisy.

What if the criticant seeks to engage the nature of the criticism and understand the roots of the criticism but the criticiser does not return the engagement for he or she expects the criticant to elucidate his or her own flaws by themselves? Is not the criticism now baseless and without bearing? And being the criticiser, does he or she not have a better view of the flaws of the criticant and are better advised to comment on them? Then even if one was well-intentioned, if there was no mention of the basis for the criticism, then one cannot criticise without proof. And if one criticises without proof or is unwilling to disclose the nature of the events or situations that led to the criticism, then one should refrain from displaying offensive body language or feign ignorance.

And if the criticant tries to engage in conversation, the criticiser should not continue with his malevolence and/or ignorance. Much less welcomed is indiscretionary talk and subversive language to sway public opinion in the criticiser's favor, as though to lead a mass insurrection or public shaming. If one truly was intent on resolving the issues at hand, one would not have resorted to underhand measures to punish or pressurise the criticant to adopt the criticiser's position if the criticant is ignorant or if the criticant sees no need to adhere to another's set of beliefs.

For it is not in the criticiser's right to punish anybody unless he or she holds a position of authority. This is not Robin Hood. Has the criticiser considered that the criticant might not want to accpet the criticism because to be remade into the model resembling the criticiser is not what the criticant wants? If the criticiser feels that people should emulate his or her behaviour and accept the criticism without reservations then the criticism is not a consensus but a self-serving ideation on his or her part. And so, punishing the criticant because he or she wants to be himself or herself is fair and just?

If the criticiser punishes the criticant, the criticiser is not viewed as a concerned party for the criticant but a malevolent individual with personal grudges and takes on the presumption of noble pretentions for it is ultimately up to the criticant to accept or reject the criticism. For the criticant will be best able to tell, if the criticism was with basis or without and also, if the criticiser was with sin or without and from these 2 points of view, decide if the criticism was constructive. Punishing the criticant for not obeying the criticiser's criticisms because the criticiser has not considered other reasons for the criticant's behaviour, is viewing the world in tinted spectacles.

2006-02-14T15:07:00.000+08:00

This is damn funny, I had lots of fun and laughter fooling around with this. Heh.

width="240" height="180"
alt="Gorgeous Fellow Made for Overwhelming Zeniths and Arousing, Rapturous Touches"
border="0">

width="240" height="180"
alt="Luscious Ideal Nonconformist Furnishing Erotic Recreation and Naughty, Arousing Loving"
border="0">

width="240" height="180"
alt="Charming Adonis Readily Zapped by Yeses"
border="0">

width="240" height="180"
alt="Playful Romantic Adonis Delivering Affection"
border="0">

width="240" height="180"
alt="Virile Amorous Knockout Adeptly Needing Affection"
border="0">

width="240" height="180"
alt="Hunk Exchanging Rapturous Massage and Erotic Stimulation"
border="0">

width="240" height="180"
alt="Guy Exchanging Orgasms and Rapturous, Glorious Embraces"
border="0">

2006-02-14T00:17:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day everybody. Hope that all those who are in love will find happiness and all those who are single will find their significant others.

Heard this song at the Valentine's day bazaar yesterday. Quite nice. Although the canto version is nicer. Jacky Cheung, my singing idol.

一路上有你

你知道吗爱你并不容易
还需要很多勇气
是天意吧好多话说不出去
就是怕你负担不起
你相信吗这一生遇见你
是上辈子我欠你
是天意吧让我爱上你
才又让你离我而去
也许轮回里早已注定
今生就该我还给你
一颗心在风雨里
飘来飘去都是为你

一路上有你苦一点也愿意
就算是为了分离与我相遇
一路上有你痛一点也愿意
就算这辈子注定要和你分离

你知道吗爱你并不容易
还需要很多勇气
是天意吧好多话说不出去
就是怕你负担不起
你相信吗这一生遇见你
是上辈子我欠你
是天意吧让我爱上你
才又让你离我而去
也许轮回里早已注定
今生就该我还给你
一颗心在风雨里
飘来飘去都是为你

一路上有你苦一点也愿意
就算是为了分离与我相遇
一路上有你痛一点也愿意
就算这辈子注定要和你分离

一路上有你苦一点也愿意
就算是为了分离与我相遇
一路上有你痛一点也愿意
就算这辈子注定要和你分离

一路上有你苦一点也愿意
就算是为了分离与我相遇
一路上有你痛一点也愿意
就算是只能在梦里拥抱你

2006-02-11T21:25:00.000+08:00

An excerpt from somebody's blog. Kind of truncated.

people who make you laugh are also the ones that make you cry and vice versa. Its not a surprise because they are the ones who are kind of special to you and you are much more vulnerable to them as compared to the rest of the world. The things they do and the things they say do have a greater bearing on you and every single tear you shed is basically because you do care a lot about what they think.

I have stopped caring already.

On the other hand, there's another group of people that make you cry. The people who are just exasperating and keep on trying your patience and wearing down on your already very much frayed nerves. And most of the time, those are the people who simply do not know anything about you. In retrospect, these people do not deserve a single drop of your tears.

2006-02-11T13:14:00.000+08:00

There comes a time when an apology comes too late. way too late.

2006-02-10T01:37:00.000+08:00

plhu, latte, enil: I am not ok. Thanks for your concern.

Anyway i need to let off some steam.

2006-02-06T11:54:00.000+08:00

Alone, fucking alone. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Anybody can guess what am I refering to? It actually refers to many things. There is no correct answer.

2006-02-02T22:51:00.000+08:00

first post in a long time. I am happy with the state of my group's project. We did not aim for the first prize as we thought that our project was too big and unprepared but I was pleasantly surprised by the reception we got from the audience. and things were not as bad as expected. I was on a verge of another breakdown yesterday. I have always a very bad case of nerves.

In any case, its not CHP that is bothering me. A lot of other things too. CHP distracts me from all of them. Thankfully so if not I would have lost my mind. But now, slightly elated but it will take sometime before the reality sinks in.

In any case, no thanks to avaris for spelling out my tie. Thank you very much. It was meant to give me good luck. but in any case, you needn't tell everybody that it is from P@#$%. And no, it was not exorbitantly expensive. But anyway, i have another tie that I intend to get from there and its equally nice too. oh well, i have a tie collection... I need to take a look at H)(*&^ too and possibly get something there.

In any case, I don't really want to think anymore. Its not a nice thing but oh well, it does hurt i guess. I dunno how to say it but it sucks. Just pardon me here. Its not a good time for me at all. Sigh. And to think that I got slighted today does not make me feel happy. I set up everything properly just for somebody to screw it all because people don't listen or pay attention.

Sometimes when one is unwanted, one slinks away into the dark alley, with the back hunched and hat in place, never to turn back and cast a gaze upon the scene which he is running away from for the very sight of it makes one sadden and is unable. Favors may still be asked but they are given out of the past and no longer anything of the present. And life would be better for all, if the unwanted does not make his presence felt so that people feel the need to concern themselves with him. Sigh

2006-01-31T23:03:00.000+08:00

Its the third day of CNY. How much more can I take this? It always happens and I cannot stand it anymore. Everytime it happens I am at the brink of a nervous breakdown. How much more alcohol do I need to calm my nerves? I don't know. Is it really right to walk away without a fight?

CHP stress has been making me vulnerable of late. And its not CHP that is driving me to the brink again. Sometimes I am too idealistic, just way too much. Fight? Fight what? Myself? more likely than others. Reading one chapter alone made me feel like slapping myself across the face. I have had enough. Literally enough.

I dunno what to do about this. Maybe It is not meant to be. Maybe I shall just slink off in one corner and not sulk, but I'll take the alley and walk away, never to turn my head back again. Life is such a mystery but its turns deal only cruelty to me and I am already so detached from it already. God, its all in your hands

深夜里
冷冷的空气包围着情绪
窗外的夜景迷乱美丽
想起过去
想起自己

风不停
发丝理不清象我的心
女人的世界该有人安慰
倾听所有快乐和伤悲

让我随着爱而飞
让我为了爱沉醉
我无法再阻挡寂寞的滋味
我好想在温暖的怀中安歇

让我随着爱而飞
让我为了爱沉醉
就算流泪
就算心碎
我也不会后悔
不会后悔

2006-01-31T01:52:00.000+08:00

How Chio and Pretty she is in this schoolgirl outfit. So nice. Chanel Haute Couture

2006-01-31T01:49:00.000+08:00

White Grecian goddess strolling the streets of Paris. What an Ice Queen Chanel Haute Couture

2006-01-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

Busy is the word of the week. Sorry for the lack of updates. Just that CHP is really going crazy at the last hurdle.

anyway, I'll post a few pictures of beautiful women up soon

but for now, a long lost song

爱是你眼里的一首情歌

总是不经意地想起
一样温柔的音
依旧牵动我的心
我曾寻寻觅觅
想在文字里寻找爱情
才发现最美的诗句
原来都在你眸里

爱是你眼里的一首情歌
轻洋着飘逸旋律
让我不知不觉地陶醉在
你缠绕的深情
爱是你眼里的一首情歌
轻拨动我的心弦
让我不由自主地深爱着你

总是不经意地想起
一样温柔的音
依旧牵动我的心
我曾寻寻觅觅
想在文字里寻找爱情
才发现最美的诗句
原来都在你眸里

爱是你眼里的一首情歌
轻洋着飘逸旋律
让我不知不觉地陶醉在
你缠绕的深情
爱是你眼里的一首情歌
轻拨动我的心弦
让我不由自主地深爱着你

爱是你眼里的一首情歌
轻洋着飘逸旋律
让我不知不觉地陶醉在
你缠绕的深情
爱是你眼里的一首情歌
轻拨动我的心弦
让我不由自主地深爱着你

2006-01-24T02:00:00.000+08:00

tired, depressed, sick & lonely.

I sound suicidal of late

life's not going well at the moment

nothing i do seems to make it better.

sigh.

better sleep now,

although i just woke up 3 hours ago

CHP meeting tomorrow

2006-01-22T21:07:00.000+08:00

I think I will blog properly for once today.

Listening to the song below brings back a lot of memories. Memories of times in the past that were better and possibly more fruitful. But usually on retrospect we all do not recall the unhappiness and hurts. I don't think I have written a more honest post for such a long while.

2005 was a difficult year for me. Many trials and tribulations came and passed and I might not be unscathed but I would say that they shaped my life for this year. I went into psychotic neuroses for quite a few of them as they unduly affected me. I made a lot of new friends but I also learnt the loss of a few friendships. Also I had my 21st birthday. Youth just flew by. Will I be 18 again? no.

I only have one resolution for this year, and also for many years ahead. That is to live and love without regrets. Life is too short for one to regret. Look back if we may, but learn from the lessons. Time spent on regret will not amount to anything more than regret itself. I learnt a lot about myself this year and I don't want to repeat the same mistakes.

I am an adult already. It was so fast. My life has been a swirl. I wouldn't say it does not have its fair share of regrets, but I would say that I have lived a life worth living for. I have not finished all my resolutions yet, but for now, I know what I want for this year.

I want one moment in time, when I'm more than I thought I could be. When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away, and the answers are all up to me. Give me one moment in time, when I'm racing with destiny. Then in that one moment of time, I will feel eternity.

Whitney Houston

One Moment In Time Lyrics

Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown

I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

I've lived to be
The very best
I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance
Here in my hands

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free

2006-01-20T21:39:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since i posted. evidently CHP has taken a toll on my health and my life. I am unable to do anything that i want to do really. Today was the real rest day i had as there was a last minute change of plans which resulted in this night being free for me. Was not feeling too well physically and emotionally these few weeks, and well, I am trying to hit freefall to the nadir now. Let all the problems run their full course. Quite fed up in trying to please people especially people who get in my way all the time.

I think i have gotten sick of the life of being one that constantly thinks that i am the one at fault and others are always correct. Maybe I am getting delusional, but the more i ponder over my faults, the more i see that there is nothing wrong in them. And guess what, i think that idea in itself is highly flawed but I can't find any flaw with it. Its just 2 sides of my personalities fighting it out at the moment. Schizophrenic there. But I get the idea that sometimes I am getting too big for my head and something is going to come falling soon but i can't seem to pinpoint or stop it. Maybe I should take a rest and retrospect once more to prevent this.

When I am sad, i head either for the shops or for my disco collection. Today I visited prada and it lifted my spirits because i found something nice there. I think I shall go drown out myself with some disco now. Not really inclined to talk a lot here in view of my depressed mood. I think something has gotta go. Am I at IT again?

Madonna ~ Sorry

Je suis désolé
Lo siento
Ik ben droevig
Sono spiacente
Perdóname

(fade in)
I've heard it all before
(repeat 12 times)

Chorus:

I don't wanna hear
I don't wanna know
Please don't say you're sorry
I heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don't wanna hear
I don't wanna know
Please don't say "forgive me"
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

You're not half the man you think you are
Save your words because you've gone too far
I listened to your lies and all your stories [I listened to your stories]
You're not half the man you'd like to be

(chorus)

Don't explain yourself 'cause talk is cheap
There's more important things than hearing you speak
You stayed because I made it so convenient [I made it so convenient]
Don't explain yourself, you'll never see

Gomen nasai
Mujhe maph kardo
Przepraszam
Slicha
Forgive me

[Sorry] (repeat in background)

I've heard it all before
(repeat 15 times)

(chorus)

(begin chorus in background)
Don't explain yourself, 'cause talk is cheap
There's more important things than hearing you speak

(chorus continues in background:)
[I don't wanna hear]
[I don't wanna know]
[Please don't say "forgive me"]

I've heard it all before
(repeat 3 times)

2006-01-16T10:25:00.000+08:00

After it has been consumed with flames, a phoenix will rise from the ashes.

no matter what you do you come to realise that you cannot stop somethings from happening. Should have anticipated that and maybe its no point preventing yourself from falling. So now, i don't think i shall hold on anymore, but i shall fall and get hurt and then i shall pick myself up from there.

2006-01-14T11:38:00.000+08:00

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Romance

Romance is most important in a boyfriend/girlfriend. You need romance in your life. You love the extra dimension that romance brings to a relationship and you tend to fall in love very quickly.

The Picto-Personality Test

You are a person who is incredibly tranquil and values peace above all else.

When alone, you like to spend your time doing something that will better yourself.

You are romantic, and when you are with your partner you like to woo them with your imagination.

In the future you will be happy and live richly.

Take this Test at QuizGalaxy.com

You fit in with:
Spiritualism

Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms.

40% spiritual.
60% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

2006-01-11T12:20:00.000+08:00

Just watched memoirs of a geisha. Its is simply stunningly beautiful. I love all 3 actresses inside. They make me feel like wanting to be their patrons. Anyway I have been feeling better lately. Its a bit of a retrospection really, somehow this time bottling everything inside makes it all the more easier for it to explode.

Also, i thought that for a moment today i might be feeling better, but it turns out now, I now feel worse in fact. Whatever happened made the high from memoirs go rather low. And its already below normal levels.

Want to talk some stuff now, but don't really have time these days. Busy with CHP and also, quite tired from 3 consecutive late nights. Did some shopping and it did cheer me up quite a bit. Rather astounded at the price i paid for a full pair of levi's jeans. 150. I never paid so much for jeans before.

Will talk more next time. My shopping list is building slowly. I need a few new sling bags, not that I don't already have more than enough. Need new shoes though. My current pairs are running to the ground due to overusage due to lack of shoes. Clothes? well, my junior was commenting i should wear hunkier clothes after seeing me in something she thought was hunky. Not sure if it was a compliment, but well, it did certainly make my day.

Now I really like this song, its was nice listening to it in a car on sunday night.

Home

Michael Buble

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby, how are you??
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

2006-01-07T00:38:00.000+08:00

latte: I am sorry, I can't do it. I cannot write anything happy

I have been considering very very dark thoughts lately. Its not nice when suicide filters into your mind again after so long. Its been 6 years really, but then again, a relapse is always possible. Nightmares abound and I can't stop them. Its not that I am scared of my own nightmares, but I am afraid of what happens in them. They have an eerily predilection for coming true, especially those reality based nightmares. There are those chopping up people nightmares though.

Its been a torrential week. I can't help but wonder if sometimes life kind of sucks really. Because of this week, my chinese new year clothes are sold out and i can't find anything suitable to replace it. And thus I have nothing to wear this new year although anything old is relatively new since i think my relatives have yet to see me wear it before. Let's just pray something new comes along that i can afford and catches my eye.

Anyway, I haven't figured it out really. I am so busy that it has become really hard for me to even sit down and think straight. I have COFM all the time and all the way it makes me sick actually. I haven't even settled my new year resolutions. Sigh.

I am still trying to look back. It is quite hard to identify it really. In fact, 6 months ago, i sort of felt that there was already something subtly wrong about me already just that i couldn't place a finger to it. But now, i know that there is something wrong and its not helping that I have no time to myself.

I seriously think its a rough patch. But I will get out of it. I promise myself I will do so. Somethings went up to my head and refused to come down. And down it shall.

2006-01-05T12:57:00.000+08:00

I know that there is something seriously wrong with me. Yesterday, I was thinking about it and i realised that i can't accept certain things perhaps. I can let go of things faster than other people but that doesn't mean that other people will play along my rules. Did a great wrong i think and i should apologise for it but what is stopping me from doing so is pride and anger i believe. I may forgive but i don't forget and somethings are not forgotten easily. It might seem miniscule but to me, i might take it as a big aggravation. Maybe I just have a very bad stress reaction. I need to re-read my psychiatry textbooks again to sort somethings out. It has been a wild rollercoaster ride 2005 for me and as much as i enjoyed the heights of exhiliration, I don't want a repeat of the crap I have gone through. I think I have aged a lot in the past year, I am more tired and definitely no longer as cheerful as I once was. I am trtying to find out the root of my problems. Just give me sometime to sort things out.

Kenny, If you are reading this, I apologise. Sorry.

2006-01-03T23:04:00.000+08:00

I am so so tired. New year's eve was a blast, partying away from 6 to 6.

Anyway, today has been one of the most screwy days in my new year, not much comparison but i have never felt so shitty before. Enough talking about it. Its going to be a new day soon.

My fire is gone. Somebody mentioned it to me and i dismissed it, now what i look back, where was the firebrand? He is tamed and no longer can argue. How do I resuscitate him? Do I have a stone table from which to rise again with the sunrise?

I don't know really, some things are very hard to swallow, especially my pride and ego. I am still pissed with you-know-who. And in all honesty, I don't know why. There might have been an offending cause but the reaction is way too much as compared to the instigating incident. What is happening to me? Why am I treating uhhmm like that? I have already sensed that I feel and behave differently from the start of last year, and I am not able to come to terms with it. I am a monster.

Just die la george just die la.

2006-01-01T16:19:00.000+08:00

Well, i think I am screwed. I still have my COFM writeup to do.

Anyway, Yesterday's New Year's Eve was a blast. Went out for a while in the afternoon before heading off to city hall to join my sec 1 friends to enjoy the evening before new year. After that, went off to ngee ann city for the getthefunkoutdunnowhatelse party with another bunch of friends. Its quite deja vu really to bump into certain people over there at the party, bet they were equally shocked. Anyway, partied long and hard and made my way back to my friend's house to spend the rest of the night/day playing civilization 4 till 6am. woke up on new year's day to go to church and am currently at my friend's house now. Will have to leave soon to go home and do my CMCS writeup.

New Year's Eve has particular resonance for me, especially since i missed one due to BMT, i decided that every new year's eve i will make sure that I will enjoy myself. And also, i try to set right all the wrongs that had been done this year and decide on new road on which to trod. My resolution list is not up yet, but well, its as usual full of promise. But I must admit, considering the resolutions that i made last year, i think i would say i succeeded. Cos I adhered to them quite strictly, it also caused me quite a lot of pain and tiredness in doing so, but I think that ultimately, my life and my character was the better for it.

A retrospective post will come after ethics debate. I have no time to retrospect in view of many many upcoming events.

Its gettin hot in here (so hot)
So take off all your clothes (eh)

2005-12-30T21:27:00.000+08:00

Brandy

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
[Chorus]

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you into my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep
[Chorus]

2005-12-30T00:43:00.000+08:00

What a sulty red and those frills really add to the temptation of what those curves can only imagine. She looks gorgeous

2005-12-30T00:39:00.000+08:00

I think i shall start a beautiful women photoblog whenever i see something i like. Starting with Karolina Kurkova. She is simply one of the most stunning ones around. Next up, another picture of hers.

2005-12-29T01:10:00.000+08:00

temptress in red and black. Karolina Kurkova.

2005-12-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

This year has been a watershed one for me. After all, I became an adult legally and also it is a year where you can say was rather prophetic. I heard somebody say that how you spend your new year's eve is a sign of the coming year for you. I had a really busy new year's eve last year. Had my first party, had also my first fallout and I would say I have never ever felt so emotionally turmoiled before this year. It was a year marked with many joys and sorrows, and its from these that i learnt a lot about life and how to let go. And also, I learnt the duality of humankind.

When I was in M1, there was this reference book in the library about foreign quotations and one of its quotations about friendship was that you should beware your friend for he is the worst foe you could have. It was also written in a more literary and pleasant manner as compared to the literal meaning as expounded here. And also, I felt for once the meaning of a friend in need is a friend indeed. And also, I also begin to think back on those times. Were they actually worth the trouble for? Actually no. I think maybe I should listen to derrick more, his guidance is rather invaluable.

But that being said, when there is a pitchfork on the road, and the highway takes on 2 different exits, i guess not everybody is going to take the same route, if not why would there the road less trodden? Stereotypes maybe stereotypes, but undoubtedly they are self-fulfilling prophecies. To revisit your own secondary school times to figure out what went right and wrong has rather devastating consequences as when you drag out the old you, it still rings harshly to many a ear. It did work didn't it this experiment. It got me what i wanted, which in hindsight, no i don't want it anymore. It didn't get me the whole package deal though, just an experiment gone awry.

It however changed many settings, rendering them irreversible. I was wondering if the fault lay with others, but now when i look back, I guess most of it came from me. No excuses here but I would still ascribe some fault to others which I would attribute the fault to a action and consequence relationship. Which led on to further deterioration. People change too, they take different paths but somehow some end up still heading to the same destination, others start from the same destination and never meet again. A sad end it maybe, but I would say it might be better to part as friends and bury the friendship.

So maybe I was wrong, to think of myself and to alienate others. And also wrong in thinking too much for others and not for oneself. Ironic isn't it, that I am both selfish and generous at the same time. Isn't it easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend? So how am I going to forgive myself before I can start forgiving others? Is it so hard to stand by another person and not be able to do what one wants to do out of loyalty? I know i can't. I am not the best friend on earth. if A & B have some misunderstanding, I will not support A even if A is my best friend as I would prefer to be neutral and encourage everybody to get along. But that's my perspective but would A feel the same way? Maybe A does not want to get along. Maybe A just wants me to side him even if its unreasonable or even if its wrong. A might just want loyalty, not judgement and appeasement. But am I willing to be politically incorrect just to be loyal?

I guess that's what troubling me over christmas, besides the usual family squabbles and nonsense i get from my parents. A wish I got when I tried out my experiment at the beginning of this year. Now it has come to a full cycle and history is repeating itself. I am having mixed feelings about this as I need to remove the parts that don't work and cause more harm than good and what is going to come from this? I think i get affected too easily and run away too easily too. I don't know how to balance things now. Look look, its all I's everywhere. Am I being too self-centred again? Maybe I should consider a peaceful new year's eve this year. But then I won't be brave for the brave may only live a short while but the cautious do not live at all. And this coming year shall be courage and love.

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.
~ Voltaire

Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache; do be my enemy for friendship's sake.
~ William Blake

2005-12-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

I guess this is the right time to blog.

Just returned from bangkok a few days ago. Decided to be thrifty there as I felt that i had already spent a lot in singapore. Thus i only came back with half a bag full. Usually, if i go abroad, i'll have to buy new luggage to match my purchases. This time, I wasn't doing the shopping. Just bought cheap accessories that I must say are very very nice. At least to me that is. Also enjoyed myself there very much, bangkok was really nice from the last time i went there back in 97. They have improved by leaps and bounds.

Yesterday was really a big day. I had floorball in the morning followed by lunch at saint pierre in the afternoon together with orchard road hopping later. Made my way to bukit batok to carol with the rest of the CMS gang and well, thats a day for you. Quite a handful considering i was extremely tired since i left for bangkok. Didn't really rest on the plane or at home. I think i am getting old and feeling my age. Was supposed to go get a trim today but since it was raining i decided to stay at home and be lazy. I think i should exercise more, i felt so fat and unfit during floorball. Damn. I will be running on christmas day at least. And I have a lovely Stanford jacket as a delayed bday present.

Although its christmas and I'm supposed to be happy, I'm not sure why I am not, Maybe its a combination of many factors but I just want this christmas to be a quiet one. Maybe that's cos I am an adult already. But anyways, this year has been one hectic and I would say delirious one. Many highs and many lows but thanks to many friends i have managed to get by it. Will continue in another post in more detail. But for now, Merry Christmas, Joyeux Noel

2005-12-18T17:02:00.000+08:00

Sale of the Year. Prada

Anyway, I will be flying off to bangkok soon. Everybody have fun during the holidays. Will be back for christmas. I don't think I'll be writing christmas cards except to those who are staying abroad for the holidays. In any case i gotta sleep now cos i need to wake up tomorrow.

Qianyi's birthday party was a smash. What a fantastic hospitality.

Survey from plhu's blog. It is quite accurate. Very in fact

here is the link: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

2005-12-16T13:24:00.000+08:00

ok, just finished my night run. E med test is tomorrow. must study today. But there are so many things to do. Etro sale and FCUK sale has started. anyway, a little more onto what happened during that fateful tuesday morning and monday night. I cannot sleep well, maybe i should visit my sgh psyciatry prof lim for a consultation.

I think everybody who went through E med has a defining experience. As in, there will be one case that sends your whole E med department into a frenzy and whips up a memory that you will not forget. For me, It's the last monday and tuesday. It has got me morbidly afraid of being a pedestrain actually. You see, the korean girl case, all of my clinical group was there in the ttsh department as she was being wheeled in gasping for her life. 16 and in the flower of youth and her life was bitterly destroyed. We tried everything to save her, but ultimately from the begining, the prognosis was zero. Exsanguinating. Externally she looked really ok as in not as bad as the motorcyclist who came in on monday with brain matter leaking out of his cranium and a non-existent eyeball. Exsanguination too. But the worst part was that their faces no longer resembled the original person. There were 4 other deaths in the Emergency dpt for those 2 days which are equally as exciting and as tragic. I just feel sad now cos its really hard to try and save somebody when all the odds are against you. Sigh. We tried, we all really did and its hard to accept.

The other cases are more of a point of interest. Like suicide and how to certify death. Asystole, Pulseless Electrical activity and etc. But you really wonder how fragile life is. YX was telling me that there was this 18 year old boy who went clubbing and his drink was spiked and he went into VF and asystole and now is brain dead. 18 and brain dead. Sigh. I think i am really affected. A decomposed body is still ok, but when people are in this limbo state its not what i would like though.

Thankfully Bangkok is coming. I need a time off to think through many things. Being in E med has changed the way of my thinking and i need to sort out my priorities. Derrick is right, it all really is childish when you look at it retrospectively. A rather distinguished person put it relatively well when i sought his opinion. I'll have to reevaluate my own views and perceptions on life and limits on human character and behaviour. Everything seems so mild now when compared to death. I'll remind myself constantly that its better to treasure what you have now than to be picky. I get nightmares everynight when i return from the emed. Cos every elderly that enters ED keeps on reminding me of my grandparents. Who are still healthy and have no medical problems. I am so so mortally afraid. I fear for that inevitable day

2005-12-14T22:46:00.000+08:00

You know the korean girl, the one in the newspaper today. Well, i saw her case. Its was really tragic. There was also another person who had brain matter spewing forth from his deformed eye. some poor old man also broke his neck and passed away. And a young guy successfully commited suicide. all very sad. i am rather numb now actually.

2005-12-13T00:26:00.000+08:00

Been quite busy lately, thus i haven't updated for quite some time. This weekend is quite amazing. Anyway, things are really going too well at present so sigh. Just very upset. That's partially the reason why i don't blog for long stretches. I have no mood cos some people either pissed me off or made me very upset. The usual suspects are at fault here. Anyway here's a short spiel of the past weekend

Combined Clinical Case Conference on saturday morning @ NUS.
Lunch at greenwood fish market & bistro
Night Call @ TTSH Emergency deparment
end of Night Call on sunday morning
1230 meeting @ peirce hill for CMS
Carolling @ Dr. John Lee's House @ east coast @ 5.30

What a weekend. I didn't rest much though. My grandmother was remarking i looked rather sickly/pale. I hope its nothing serious. I do push myself too much at times.

Will blog about monday another time. It was a day not to be forgotten.

latte: oh no, that's just for him only.

2005-12-07T21:54:00.000+08:00

An ambulance run summary

Maggots coming from a decomposed old man
Acute Pulmonary oedema
Acute Myocardial Infarction
Alcohol Intoxication
Diabetic Wound Breakdown post amputation
Asthmatic attack
A new life was brought into this world when a water bag burst

Wow

2005-12-05T00:20:00.001+08:00

Haven't been exacly posting much since pharmaco CA. Well, Life is ok really. I am resigned to it and maybe i have already accepted it. The past few months have been hellish cos maybe my mind turned somewhat inward and i had dysphagia of pride. Now, after thinking through it, I have only completed a small portion of my journey and i already declared it a success. That is nothing but the surest step to failure.

Anyway, I missed out on my paul smith t-shirt but i got my dkny long sleeve. Waiting for further reductions for my diesel. Armani jeans has something interesting but I'm not sure if i'll get it. ck has a nice long sleeve too but that may have to wait. There are other more important things to purchase this season. Will wait and see.

2005-12-05T00:20:00.000+08:00

2005-11-30T22:02:00.000+08:00

Ha, bought 2 shoes from New Balance Warehouse Sale today.

Not too happy over an unwarranted personal attack. But I have decided on another course of life already. Something new that I have decided for myself over the 19th.

I love my punching bag.

I bought my first ben sherman. And it is so damned beautiful. Well, anything with white and light blue/blue is beautiful to me.

November,
Has lots of extraordinary ideas. Difficult to
fathom. Thinkforward. Unique. brilliant. Sharp
thinking. Fine, strong clairvoyance. make good
doctors. Dynamic. Secretive. Inquisitive. Know
how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less
talkative. amiable. Brave. generous. Patient.
Stubborn. hardhearted. Determined. Never quit.
Hardly become angry unless provoked. Love to be
alone. Think differently. Sharp-minded.
Motivate self. Dont appreciate praises.
Highspirited. Well-built, tough. Deep love,
emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships.
Homely. Hardworking. High abilities.
Trustworthy. Honest. Keepsecrets. Cant control
emotions. Unpredictable.

What does your birth month reveal about you? (read memo)
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-11-28T00:34:00.000+08:00

Maybe I'm a closet ah beng. Pretentious statement but well, from all the cds i prefer, it seems that i have a preponderance for aqua or retro or dance.

Aqua - Around the World

I've been around the world - Hey, hey
I've been around the world - Hey, hey

In the kitchen where I'm cooking what is good for me
Spices from the globe
Little by little it's the finest meal
It's appetite for hope - come and see

You mix it all together in your dreams
Ingredients from the seven Seas and
I'm realizing things ain't what they seem
That's the riddle of it
That's the spirit of it
That's the power of life

I've been around the world (Round the world)
And I've seen it all (Seen it all)
I've been around the world (Round the world)
The sun will always rise and fall
I've been around the world (Round the world)
And I want you to see (Seen it all)
I've been the only girl (Round the world)

All surrounded by mystery

In the living room I'm cleaning up from top to floor
The place I love the most
The wall is covered up with all my souvenirs
I've got from coast to coast - come and see

You mix it all together in your dreams
Ingredients from the seven Seas and
I'm realizing things ain't what they seem
That's the riddle of it
That's the spirit of it
That's the power of life

I've been around the world (Round the world)
And I've seen it all (Seen it all)
I've been around the world (Round the world)
The sun will always rise and fall
I've been around the world (Round the world)
And I want you to see (Seen it all)
I've been the only girl (Round the world)

All surrounded by mystery

I'm still coming around
I keep chasing dreams
Girl, I keep coming around - Hey, Hey
I keep coming around
And I can never stop
Girl, I keep coming around
Cause if I do I'll walk

Around around - around the world

I've been around the world (Round the world)
Hey hey (Seen it all)
I've been around the world (Round the world)

All surrounded by mystery

I've been around the world (Round the world)
And I've seen it all (Seen it all)
I've been around the world (Round the world)
The sun will always rise and fall
Round the world

2005-11-26T10:32:00.000+08:00

I heard that the curry was good. It was not catered but made by my grandma.

Anyway kim is really prescient. When the both of you are low, you 2 are very low, but when the both of you are high, you 2 are very high.

2005-11-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

First post in a long time.

1) Thanks to everybody for coming to my birthday party. Sorry it dragged so long. Heard the food was great but didn't get to taste it myself. Should have brought the mahjong down. Hopefully everybody enjoyed themselves! Honestly, I liked the dunking.

2) I finally relinquished my position as treasurer today. Its has been a hard 1 year as there were so many projects going on. In some ways I regretted taking the job but i believe that this is a way to build character. Glad to pass it to kim. I don't know if i did a good job but this year's surplus is reaching 5 figures.

3) My previous blogskin died. The server hosting those skins crashed so I had to change to this one. 3 blog skin changes in so many months. This one makes me hungry and want to gobble some biscuits with milk.

4) Punching bag is here. Will be installed on monday. Like what enli/jen ming says. Its anger management. Firstly I'll like to thank plhu for taking the effort. I am very touched. And all the others who contributed. And for a few people who made this punching bag come true, I'll dedicate it to all that have made my feel hot tempered before. Not least the past few months one person has been doing so. Thanks.

5) Have been thinking of a lot of things lately. Will post them later at another date in one of those typically cloudy posts. I think this blog is like my Pensieve. If i wanted anything in the world, I would ask for Dumbledore's Pensieve. It frees my mind of such troubling thoughts. Thats what a blog is for.

2005-11-17T03:44:00.000+08:00

The Knocks from the school of Life is always hard to accept.

2005-11-15T18:54:00.000+08:00

My 21st Birthday present. A Louis Vuitton Messenger

2005-11-13T22:48:00.000+08:00

Bic Runga Sway Lyrics

Don't stray, don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don't let me drown, let me down
I say it's all because of you

And here I go, losing my control
I'm practising your name so I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it's time to tell you why
I say it's infintely true

CHORUS:
Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you

And there's no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

CHORUS TWICE

It's all because of you
It's all because of you

Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon
It's time to tell you why, I say it's infinitely true

CHORUS TWICE

It's all because of you
It's all because of you
It's all because of you

2005-11-13T20:46:00.000+08:00

Wow, its been a long time since i posted. At least you know, 5 days is a long stretch by me. Today is Nov 13 and i last posted on nov 9. Anyway well, things weren't going too well on wednesday and thursday i'll admit and friday i was rushing the medsoc accounts.

Saturday was quite a nice day in fact. Started the day slowly with a late floorball game which got me aching and tired all over but it slowly progressed to a medsoc meeting which was surprisingly short. Then, instead of waiting for lardy to give me a lift to shaun's place, i decided to jump onto 95 with avaris and pick up my lomo. Which i did at a shop in far east called hooked clothing. I got the coloursplash camera. Maybe i'll get the coloursplash flash soon but thats really advanced. After that far east lomo adventure, Went over to lido and took a look in agnes b.

I was actually not planning on buying anything new to wear on my birthday since i have such a plethora of clothes but can you believe it. agnes b was on sale! ok not all of agnes b but the collection which is collaborated with everlast. So i reserved myself a jacket and picked it up today when i went to return my library books. Was trying to find a certain book at borders and kino but it was unavailable. Haven't visited the new diesel shop at forum yet, will do so one day but I popped into bree and i was amazed at their prices. Very reasonable and worth the money. Hmmm, I am considering to get something from there. And I finally tried to famous hock lam street beef noodles. Everytime I am at purvis street, its too crowded and I never get to eat it. What a delight!

2005-11-09T20:41:00.000+08:00

Just follow your heart. Hold on to your dreams. You skip along with life in your step. Share your smile with the whole world, Love will find you whereever you are

Just follow your heart. Hold on to your dreams. The blue sky is nearer and more welcoming. You feel the freedom in your heart. Suddenly you know you are different

Just follow your heart, let your feelings bring you to wherever they lead you, hope is always nearby, waiting for you

Just follow your heart, let your feelings bring you to wherever they lead you, Dreams are everywhere for the taking

I think that when i start translating lyrics, something big must have happened for me to find some solace and distraction in this. Sigh.

2005-11-08T21:39:00.000+08:00

I just discovered something really horrifying. I cannot divulge more. I want to cry.

2005-11-07T20:01:00.000+08:00

A new post, new blog layout and new person. I am free

跟着感觉走

苏芮

跟着感觉走
紧抓住梦的手
脚步越来越轻越来越快活
尽情挥洒自己的笑容
爱情会在任何地方留我

跟着感觉走
紧抓住梦的手
蓝天越来越近越来越温柔
心情就象风一样自由
突然发现一个完全不同的我

跟着感觉走
让它带着我
希望就在不远处等着我
跟着感觉走
让它带着我
梦想的事哪里都会有

2005-11-04T22:47:00.000+08:00

please refer to the first button on your right of my blog for my birthday wish list. Everybody has clinics so if its too much hassle just opt for the most convenient one ya.

Oh yes. In case you all are DAMN RICH. Can you all please buy a return ticket from australia, so that crystal can fly back to celebrate my birthday with me and fly back for her exams? ( Crystal, here's your request)

If you are fulfilling any of the requests, please let me know. I don't want to end up with repeats thanks.

2005-11-01T22:42:00.000+08:00

Pros & Cons of Ugly People

At some point we have all seen a human specimen that just should not have made it past the fetal stage. It is in some ways terribly disappointing to see these sorts, as they can cause us all trauma and immense discomfort. However, does anyone ever stop to think about the important role the uglies play in our complex society? First we have the gorgeous people, slightly below them are the the attractive and usually overly cocky people whom try to make up for the fact that they're not gorgeous by being rude and snobby to people and try to appear as though they are prettier than they really are. Below the attractive people are the good looking, the okays, the not so good looking, the ickys and the uglies! Now pretend for a second that the uglies did not exist. By removing that level of ugly you move everyone down a notch. By this I mean that the ickys are now the uglies, the not so good looking are now the okays, and such and so in in a cascading upheave of nasty looking people and such and what not. My point is that we gorgeous people need ugly people to make us look good. If there were no ugly people there would be no comparison by which to say that one individual is more attractive than the other. The uglies make the good looking people look good, and the good looking people make the uglies look ugly. It's just that simple. Can't have one without the other. Night & Day. Black & White.

So next time you see someone who makes you throw up in your mouth a little. Think about how much better you look than them, when you're seen in the same place.

2005-10-31T12:55:00.000+08:00

blogging from IMH is so unreal. ( Blogged on the 30th of November)

Anyway, I'll combine 2 posts into 1. Today is Deepavali and All Saints' Day. Had to go to church in the morning before rushing to punggol to wakeboard with yongxian and ming chang. I think ill take it up regularly if i have the $ to spare as it is quite expensive and I am thinking of commiting myself to other things. Was quite fun as standing up was not that much of a problem anymore but maintaining balance and posture was still hard. Fell quite a number of times. But anyway. I felt i learnt more today then the other time. Besides, meeting Aileen from NUH was quite a good thing. Felt quite good to be able to talk about wakeboarding to her besides surgery.

Anyway, left for a siesta at Jerzy's house later and got a free lunch and quite a lot of surprises then when i was forced to be the secret operative. Thankfully jerzy doesn't read this page so i can blog about it. His birthday is coming so i am the plenipotentiary who is to negotiate the surprise birthday party for him.

Then went to Fox for my haircut. Took quite some time as business was quite good then. Got it quite cheap too. Anyway, spent a modest sum on presents as usual for jerzy. Took a look at vicz prez @ raoul, before buying something for myself. Its not good to shop during the nov/dec periods cos all the sales start coming in. Kenzo apparently ran out of the thing i wanted to get so now its only available at paragon and no more at taka. But i happened to chance upon Lanvin sale and was rather enamoured of something. Gucci had nice shoes which i think i'll be getting when prices drop. Was thinking of getting birkenstocks actually cos i was dressed most sloppily with slippers today. There are also so many thing to get too but i think the best buy today was something which was selling @ 45 bucks when it is sold @ 60 elsewhere. What a discount. Also i feel vindicated that the prez i shortlisted for vicz is so nice that even the normally disagreeable jerzy was congruent with me.

I think giving something that I really want to my best friend is really something quite hard for me to do cos you always want the best for yourself. Not that I ran out of cash but I think that your good friends only deserve the best and in this case i'll be giving up that raoul tie that i like so much.

2005-10-30T00:31:00.000+08:00

Borderline ... feels like I'm going to lose my mind from Madonna's Immaculate Collection.

Anyway, read the newspaper today and found out about the xiaxue vs handicap toilet scandal. I actually support xiaxue. Why? Seriously speaking, how often do you see handicapped people when you go to the toilet. Of all the gazillion times i have been, ill say 1-2 max. So I am for the stand that if the handicapped person is there, yup thats their toilet. But if nobody who is handicapped is there, i believe that the toilet should be made available to the general public. But of course the general public must keep that particular toilet clean as the 'rightful' users will have difficulty cleaning it if its dirty. But think about it in another way. one handicapped toilet equals 2 normal toilets spaces. Thus, for a small portion of the population, you build only 1 toilet space instead of 2. Is it too much to allow other able-bodied people to use the toilet when there is no handicapped person around? In this way you also utilise the toilet more efficiently. And there are people who clean the toilets etc so handicapped toilets should not have a cleanliness problem. So I don't know why so-and-so had to kick up such a big fuss. Other countries in the world are more handicap friendly I admit, but as our society is progressing to be more gracious, it is also wise for people to be more prudent in their comments. For example, does talking about handicap toilets result in public dismay against the handicapped population? The point here is that there is no malice that targets the handicapped population. Its just a view on how people use the toilet more efficiently. Thus why is so-and-so taking it as a personal attack/insult? I think its a bit too much. But well, that just my point of view.

2005-10-29T17:27:00.000+08:00

I think that personality is really interesting. There are so many subtypes of personality and everybody falls into one of a few subtypes. Its just how much of that subtype you have that you are either normal, abnormal or having a personality disorder. I think a lot of people have personality disorders. Oh no, maybe i am being paranoid here =)

Anyway, I am wondering, how does one host a birthday party

2005-10-24T18:18:00.000+08:00

I don't think i'll be blogging on this space for the next few days cos i am afraid that i will explode on this page. Its not going to be a good sight as there are many things which could have contributed to this loss of self-control. But anyway give me a few days to sort things out and it'll be fine.

Anyway, today was a really good psychomed lecture day. Whatever happened at the back of the NUH auditorium was just plain deja vu... deja vu. I couldn't help but look and snicker to myself. Cos maybe sympathy is not meant to be given in light of a lack of sympathy in another similar situation.

2005-10-23T22:16:00.000+08:00

I think wakeboarding is taking its toll on me. I am currently so tired that all i can do is travel in a straight line. Turning is quite painful. I have been trying all sorts of medications to restore muscle tone. Yes, i am now painfully hypertonic which makes me damn weak. If you give me a push i think ill fall down. But nevertheless it was fun, wakeboarding. Anyway today i decided to take my mind of certain things and plopped down to borders to pick up somethings using the 30 percent discount voucher and also to get other things.

2005-10-22T14:52:00.000+08:00

我答应你　再也不会打扰你的生活
我答应你　再也不会为你多喝一杯酒
我答应你　从今以后我们都还是好朋友
你怎么说　我怎么做　这样子够不够

你看不到我的只手　在痛苦地颤抖
你听不到我的内心　碎得我都不敢碰
你想不到我的沉默　压抑着多少话要说
爱不能有　泪不能流　你教我这种日子怎么过

舍不得你　所以才会骗了你　也骗自己
其实我也知道　只是我没勇气面对问题
舍不得你　虽然明知我的爱　你不珍惜
有些事情谁都说不出原因

2005-10-22T14:22:00.000+08:00

你仿佛从没见过我
只是让我梦成空
伤心不语退缩
幻想也许是你假装不看我
让我得不到更珍惜所有

我试着对你微微笑
你总视而不见
何必何必何必
却又难以抗拒难以放弃
就算你对我说别再烦我

你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中
希望偶尔能够见到你微笑的容颜

你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中
希望明天能够见到你会心的容颜

我试着对你微微笑
你总视而不见
何必何必何必
却又难以抗拒难以放弃
就算你对我说别再烦我

你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中
希望偶尔能够见到你微笑的容颜

你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中
希望明天能够见到你会心的容颜

你难以靠近难以不再想念
我难以抗拒你容颜
把心画在写给你的信中

2005-10-21T16:35:00.000+08:00

I think today is a fantastic day. Went out wakeboarding in the morning. Going out kickboxing now and possibly zouk reopening later if i can find kakis. its even made sweeter by no more playhouse tomorrow and i have also a CMG dinner tomorrow at Sheraton Towers. I think this holiday might not be so bad after all. I even found my long sold out item at tangs. Thats SO AWESOME! Ha, some american slang my friend taught me. Anyway will post more on wakeboarding later but kim, mingchang, winston and shermin were all game!

2005-10-20T20:30:00.000+08:00

new skin, new post. Kind of reflects my mood now.

2005-10-19T09:19:00.000+08:00

I am so tired lately. Its been a really hectic week. Not really having fun as the financial year is closing and that means accounts must be done. So yeah, accounts are as usual damn boring and damn tiresome to do. But well, everything is falling into place so its getting better and better.

Anyway, there is this new book by this straits times author called wong kim hoh. He writes very well and his columns are always filled with really interesting stories of how ordinary people lead extraordinary lives. After reading the book, I get the feeling that I am not leading my life to the fullest even though all my 4 limbs are intact and i do not suffer from any disability.

My mom spoke to me today about HK or Vietnam. I don't know which country to go to. Both seem equally nice but i like HK shopping and Vietnam sights. Kinda of sad that being in clinicals means that your holidays are rather limited. And to think that in about 6 weeks time there is a pharmaco test and the m3 pros are already looming. Can you believe that after our christmas/new year break, there is only like 8 weeks to the final pros? Thats ridiculous mind you.

Anyway onwards to psychomed and emergency med and radiology. Kind of funny really to have all these postings together. They don't really have anything in common. Anyway I just hope i don't die from all the slackness and end up dying in year 4 when everything comes hurtling straight in your face. Ill get like OG, Paeds, Patho and Ortho together. Sigh

2005-10-17T09:54:00.000+08:00

This song is was originally sung by coco lee and i think kelly poon did a marvellous rendition of it. Its so beautiful to hear her sing this particular song. The soaring vocals are quite amazing. Well, kind of busy now, but i don't want to forget about this song before i go and finish up playhouse.

被愛的女人

在鏡子前面
我是個被愛的女人
他就在門外
這個週末我i以依賴在他的胸懷

在情人面前
我還是單身的女人
愛若缺了緣份
我想我只能用情至深但不能太認真

為什麼被愛有時卻覺得悲哀
為什麼我還是害怕一個人醒來
為什麼相愛日子卻仍然空白
為什麼你走不到我的未來

讓愛固定下來我不會永遠青春可愛
我的美麗要你的溫柔幫我保留下來
讓愛固定下來我和你不要不要分開
我不要愛一再一再綵排
我不是每次失戀後都能重新再來

2005-10-16T08:47:00.000+08:00

A really nice song that i heard over radio that cheered me up somewhat. Its really sung beautifully by Mavis Fan Xiao Xuan. Its called Yan Lei aka Tears

青春若有張不老的臉
但願它永都不被改變
許多夢想總編織太美
跟著迎接幻滅

愛上你是最快樂的事
卻又換來最痛苦的悲
苦澀交錯愛的甜美
我怎樣都學不會 ha........

oh 眼淚
眼淚都是我的體會
成長的滋味
oh 眼淚
忍住眼淚不讓你看見
我在改變
孤單的感覺
你從不曾發現
我笑中還有淚

oh 眼淚
眼淚流過無言的夜
心痛的滋味
oh 眼淚
擦乾眼淚不讓你看見
曾有的眷戀

眼淚是苦
眼淚是傷悲
眼淚都是你

眼淚是甜
眼淚是昨天
眼淚不流淚

Kin Foong: Thanks for your comment. Its just that october is not a good month for me so thanks for the heartwarming comment on the other post. Really appreciate it alot.

2005-10-11T18:53:00.000+08:00

To those free enough to read blogs. The new list of groupings are out. And guess what, i am with winston, sasi and bernard. Hopefully this new grouping will change my impression of ACS people. BUT NOW, the stupid dean's office is going to reset it. How suay can this be. Darn, this sucks. I would consider it a pyrrhic victory but still a victory.

anyway, i believe that there was something wrong already as there was at least one sub-group i knew who seemed to be having a mistake with the groupings. well, let's say that anyway, i dunno what am i doing blogging 1 day before my medicine clinical and mcq test. AND GUESS WHAT, my clinical test is after the MCQ test.

Trauma is really something. When something traumatic happens, you never fail to forget it, no matter what you do. and no, i am not talking about the medsoc elections which i just lost. I am talking about the NUH staff canteen. Was eating in the NUH staff canteen today with shmeen, and as i was eating, it struck me that maybe i won't forget it at all. When something so traumatic happens, you never forget. It sinks in like an infiltrative malignancy and refuses to go away with therapy. It perpetually hits you and strikes you, time and time again. But no, i will not avoid the staff canteen because of this thing. Its in fact a rather sadomasochistic way of viewing things but it makes me all the more want to go there and eat. I guess, i do not feed on food when i am there

Inferno

Space

A long goodbye

I'm a Talent!

Talent: 85%Lifer: 15%Mandarin: 41%

The Picto-Personality Test

Talent: 85%
Lifer: 15%
Mandarin: 41%